Health and Fitness

Fat Things

So I’ve been thinking about all the fat things that control me and I have to wonder is anyone else effected by these…I cannot be alone right?

The simple job of putting on high heels is like a mine field, I mean just fitting my fat foot into the damn thing is struggle enough but then there is the job of trying to do it up I mean oh my god I swear they made the fastenings on high heels more and difficult to do up, I have so much damn flab around my middle that I can only get one hand down there and trying to do that bastard thing up with one hand is almost impossible and do not get me started about then trying get the strap into the back of the fastening….I’ll just wear flats uggg.

And let’s take certain stretches that have become rather difficult to execute in particular a calf stretch, my magic trick of placing my foot on the wall and then grabbing my ankle has become somewhat entertaining to my fellow teachers but believe me the laugh they would have seeing me trying to do it without the wall would have them rolling in the isles I’m mean seriously there is so much fat between my calf and my thigh that they literally bounce off each other if I try to do this stretch properly lol.

Let’s also discuss the front camera, I almost have heart failure when that shit opens and is focused one of my many chins, can we please tell all phones companies that we don’t ever want the front camera on unless we change it ourselves OK!

Now let’s discuss the dreaded issue of chafing, now let’s be fair even us big woman love a dress but without tights (whole other issue) or leggings which is all very well in the winter but in the summer….it’s a no no, we are left with shorts ( hello am I a 12 year old girl?…no I’m not) or bare legs, now as any woman with real thighs will tell you bare legs are fine if you don’t move but as soon as you start walking they rub and god the pain after even ten minutes is beyond unbearable. But it’s not the end of the world, I was taught last year the hairspray trick now you have to be careful with this one because you really don’t want to spray hairspray on your lady garden and you must I repeat YOU MUST make sure you give it at least 5 mins to dry fully before moving so make sure you are ready to sit and wait….spread eagled!

There is one final thing that brings me pain a daily basis, the simple task of wiping ones arse when you have this much extra belly fat means effectively dislocating your shoulder several times a day.

Now laughs aside I can makes jokes all day but this is serious I have to think about the damage that I’m doing to my body by letting it be this size so this and all the above are why I will be changing for the long term, my health matters and so does yours so if anything that you’ve read has made you giggle because you’ve been there then maybe it’s time for some changes.

I hope you’ve at least smiled whilst reading this and I hope you keep reading.

Jojo xxx

P. S. I hope you are ready for tomorrow…I’m not but I’m gonna lay it all bare for you so you can share my journey to its fullest eeekkkk

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